Split Personality Part 1

I want to discuss or work out for myself (and hopefully for you as
well) what following Jesus really means.

I struggle constantly with what I call a Christian Split Personality:
Two competing impulses or voices that draw into a constant tug of war.

On one side I have the personal or cultural identity that has been
informed by the tried and true American ethos of rugged individualism
and self determination. This voice tells me to go for what I want and
fight for what I want, to not let anyone get in my way or stop me. It
also leads me into the political realm and all that that entails.

On the other side I have a spiritual identity that is informed by the
Bible, prayer, and Jesus' commands and teachings. This voice tells me
to follow him and then goes on to tell me that that entails hardship,
suffering, and ridicule. That to truly follow him I must put
everything I hold dear (myself, family, wants, desires, etc.) aside
and view them as secondary or even tertiary in importance. Here is
where the struggle and the split occurs.

I honestly, truly, and deeply love and believe in Jesus and all his
teachings. I want to follow them and him as well as serve him with ALL
of me. I have this desire and knowledge in my heart, however, where
the problem comes in, is in my head.

In my head the loudest voice is the American, Individual voice. Every
time I commit to follow Jesus from my core, the other voice kicks in
and I inevitably end up holding back and maintaining my original
course.

I have recently been reading the book "Radical" by David Platt, as
well as his other book "Follow Me" and both of these have been
instrumental in creating this post. They have really hit me hard and
convicted me as to where I usually fall short.


I am not sure if anyone else has this same problem but I would love to hear about it if so. Otherwise until then, you will just have to listen to my soul searching and pondering. 

God Bless.